"It's the workin', it's the workin', it's the workin' life"

The db's--"Working For Somebody Else" (mp3)
Bruce Springsteen--"Factory" (mp3)

I'm struggling with my employment again, as I do several times each year. I think it's because I have "performance review" today, not something that I'm worried about, but an event which, by its nature, causes me to stop and to take stock of things.

One of the many stunning aspects of Ralph Ellison's novel Invisible Man (my vote for the great American novel) is how often the main character returns to his naive state, only to be tricked once again. When I've taught this book, both students and I have laughed at such naivete. Who could possibly fall for the same hoodwinking over and over and over again? What an idiot!

The truth, my friends, is that all of us are that idiot. At least all of us who want to believe the best about people. We want to think that our bosses care about us. We hold strong feeling for our place of employment because we believe, for all of its size and impersonal qualities, that it really does, in some sentient way, care about us and our circumstances.

I had another one of those wake-up calls last night, when a ringing in my brain pulled me out of my naive slumber. It seems like about every 4-5 years, I drift back into one of these long winter naps of innocence and acceptance.

The last time it happened, it was about money. I felt like I was being underpaid and when I woke up and looked around and got a sense of what other people were being paid, I said so. In a letter, of course, because that's the kind of coward I am. And so, I got called in to the head guy's office and we sat down and talked about my letter and he said what shocked me then and what I not-so-conveniently forgot until last night: "We assumed that you were happy because we never heard anything to the contrary."

What? You mean if I complained about my contract each year I would have a chance to get it raised?

Oh, yes, I got it raised and then time passed and then other things came my way and I got to feeling all comfortable and satisfied and I was back to being the busy little worker bee again.

Until last night. It all comes down to one thing: Guidestar.com. For those of you who don't work in non-profits, you may not have such a website where you can look at your company's tax returns and see who's making what, at least at the top end. But all those years ago, Guidestar was also how I found out that an incredible x number of people here were being paid the y number of dollars that I wasn't. So, it's an invaluable site. And then last night, I got on there and found out that a couple of years ago, in a climate of tough times and 3% raises, the top-salaried people were getting raises of 9%, 14%, even 16%! Oh, Guidestar, you double-edged sword, who can provide such information which seems so valuable until it starts taking away sleep! Oh, Guidestar, you teller of truth, you destroyer of faith!

So, yes, I'm in my wide-awake, cynical mode again and not very happy about it. I wanted to feel valued and celebrated and appreciated and buttressed in the only way that matters--monetarily. But, alas, I'm just hanging in there trying to not let inflation get too far ahead of me. But, hey, I'd rather know than not know, wouldn't you? Wouldn't you?

The db's' The Sound of Music and Bruce Springsteen's Darkness On The Edge Of Town are both available at Itunes.