Friday, April 3, 2009


Bob Dylan--"Beyond Here Lies Nothing" (mp3)
Beck--"Ballad Of Big Nothing" (mp3)

I suppose it had to happen eventually. Perhaps it has even already happened and I didn't know it. But today, with all certainty, I am here to tell you: I got nuthin'.

I've been pondering this situation for a few hours, doing various self-checks and other analyses, trying to determine if I even had the slightest bit of something. But, no, it's conclusive. I got nuthin'.

Save yourself the time of coming over here to see what I've got, because I guaran-damn-tee you the answer will be the same: nuthin'.

Maybe it's:

--getting over being sick
--the new Maxwell House coffee machines
--coming back from Spring Break
--having to start cutting grass
--rediscovering stress
--financial woes
--looming responsibilities at work
--an existential angst
--the short life of every Ipod I've owned
--the prospect of a pre-sliced ham for Easter
--an awareness of my own mortality
--being in between books
--the pistachio scare

I really don't know.

Regardless of which circumstance or combination of circumstances are involved, the outcome remains the same. Today, Friday, April 3rd, 2009, I simply do not have one damn thing.

And, let me be very, very clear: it isn't like I used to have something, started the day with it, but for some reason gave it away. No, I never had it to begin with.

Maybe it's a night last night of hobnobbing with world-famous authors, realizing I'm not one of them, not really knowing how to cold-talk to them, bailing early, going to Magoo's, drinking a few beers and eating a Chic-o-Philly sandwich, and then having to carry in a 2-ton piece of exercise equipment in from the pouring rain.

On second thought, all of this could be fallout from my dismal performance on the National Mythology Exam.

If I were a car, there would not be a fucking thing in my tank. I would be sitting in the driveway. Birds would drop that whitish, purplish stuff on me with impugnity.

If I were a beer can, I would be empty of even the last bit of sour brew, crushed, and rattling around in the back of somebody's truck.

If I were a television, I would be that crackling, staticky, fuzzy stuff that you wake up to after the station's gone off the air.

If I were a rock, I would probably be content. So forget that one. It really doesn't fit.

If I were a blog post, I would have filled a decent bit of space with a whole bunch of words that, all told, didn't mean a thing.

Dylan and Beck's songs were borrowed from other blogs that had something going on today.


Lee Bailey said...

Nice save.

Daytimerush said...

You made something out of nothing.
Pretty funny something.

Jason said...

Some might argue that you never have anything Bob...:)

As noted above, a great close.

troutking said...

Sometimes nothin' is a pretty cool hand.

Love the new Bob song. Even before I heard it.