Monday, June 29, 2009

Strange Condition (a collection of observations small and smaller)

Bob is settling into a month-long NEH seminar in Chicago and will probably offer lame entries like this one until he gets it all figured out up here or finds the closest dispenser of Old Style.

Pete Yorn--"Strange Condition" (mp3)
Love and Money--"Strange Kind Of Love" (mp3)

1. Based on the “Spam” I get, I sure do seem to send a lot of emails to myself. Why do I keep doing that?

2. Why can’t the political party that preaches “family values” keeps its dick in its pants?

3. What happened to the fast lane on the interstate and why do people think it’s okay to switch into that lane and go slow?

4. Why would anyone buy pre-limed beer instead of squeezing his or her own lime into it?

5. Why is the growing of things more satisfying than the harvesting of them?

6. Why did a middle school think it was okay to look in the underwear of an 8th grade girl to see if she had drugs in there? Ibuprofen? Why was Clarence “Coke Can” Thomas the only Supreme Court justice who thought this was okay?

7. What should I be doing right now in preparation for 2012?

8. Do I really want to see a lot of movies in the summer or have I been conditioned to think that I should want to?

9. Who invented air conditioning and when and why? Sure, I like being reasonably cool, but in the summer my body is continually trying to adjust between two thermostats and now I’m sick. Think about it: in the winter, you either try to stay warm or get warm, but in the summer, you either end up very cool or very hot.

10. When you are out running or driving a car with a tendency to overheat on uphill climbs, you tend to be a lot more aware of the ups and downs of the terrain than if you're just cruising along in a car.

11. When a pizza place accidentally makes me a large, instead of a medium, at no extra charge, why do I eat the large anyway when I only wanted a medium?

12. Do has-been bands know that they are has-beens? What do they tell themselves each time they go on stage to play hit songs from 20 years ago?

13. Do Americans really only want to choose from about 5 fast food restaurants when they drive across this great land?

14. Why are public fountains so attractive?

15. Why, in our soundbyte, quick surfing world is accessible poetry not more popular?

16. Given that Southern people are clearly different from Midwesterners, where is the true dividing point? How do you know when you've left one culture and entered another?

17. Am I addicted to technology if for a month-long trip I brought a laptop, an external hard drive, a Bose music system, a cell phone, an Ipod, and a portable DVD player?

18. Why isn't the Iraq War on my radar?

19. Though I don't gamble much, why do I like the concept of casinos so much?

20. If you were walking into the "Taste of Chicago" food festival and the first they were handing out as you entered the gate were free samples of Pepcid AC, what would you think?

Pete Yorn is available at Itunes; I'm pretty sure Love and Money is out-of-print.


Anonymous said...

Does #12 mean that you went to the Wallflowers' concert?

Bob said...

No, I went out to dinner with Mark, etc. Bill Murray was eating at the restaurant. I said, hello, Bill, nice city you got here. We had coffee.

Anonymous said...

Nice Bill M story; as to #18, I hear there's a little Iraq war movie out there making quite a stir...

Anonymous said...

You and Billy have to read this. And go to the links for the ads.

jed said...

not only do i hope you find that dispenser of Old Style, i hope you find it in cans and can bring enough back for you and a few of your friends.

Bob said...

Jed, do you want a case of Old Style cans, no kidding? Just let me know.

BeckEye said...

"Do has-been bands know that they are has-beens? What do they tell themselves each time they go on stage to play hit songs from 20 years ago?"

Have you ever SEEN "Rock of Love?" Bret Michaels is still fully convinced that he is a rock star. Now. Not 20 years ago, NOW. The dude is pathetic. As for what he tells himself each time he goes on stage, I don't know, but it's probably something simple like, "I'm SO getting laid tonight."