Thursday, November 29, 2012

Bitches, Man


Say Anything "Bitches Man" from AE Chadwick on Vimeo.

Finally. At long last, and despite having to swim against the tides of cultural groupthink, a woman has stood up and shouted Truth from the mountaintop: It’s all women’s fault.

By “it,” I mean all of it, practically everything ailing our contemporary society, and by “the women,” I mean everyone without a penis. If you don’t have a penis, and if you were born without one, then mankind's problems are your fault. 

The decrease in employment rates for men:
Women are better at studying in systems better geared to their strengths, do more of what’s expected of them by their teachers, professors and supervisors, and then have the gall to take jobs that would, were these bitches at home cleaning a damn floor or dusting or something, have gone to slightly less-qualified men.

The dissolution of the traditional family unit:
As Ms. Venker puts it, “Men want to love women, not compete with them. They want to provide for and protect their families – it’s in their DNA. But modern women won’t let them.” Preach it, sister!

Obama:
Well c’mon. We sure as shit know that white men didn’t win him the office. Obama only won majorities from the idiots in our society who have bought into some nonsense about how their “group” is “oppressed” or whatever. Women, minorities, Episcopal priests, and cat owners.

The rise in our homosexual population:
Not only have women, by becoming better at busting balls than men and better at moving up the corporate ladder, used their cleavagey clout to push the Gay Marriage Agenda in a bunch of states, but their increasingly testosteroney behavior has also forced men to look elsewhere for wimps and pushovers. And with women ever more empowered at our expense, most wimps and pushovers are now men, so of course gayness ensues. What other choice do men have? (And if you say “Man up,” I’m totally gonna cry on your ass.)

If we men have learned anything in the last decade, it is far more effective, when faced with challenges and difficulties, to blame others for the problem.

And who better to blame than chicks like Diane Court, those greedy nerdy do-everything multi-talented valedictorian girls who steal all the awards from dudes, leaving the dudes to sit on the curb at a Gas 'N' Sip on weekend nights. Or Rosie the Riveter, who was called in to be a substitute but then got all uppity and thought the invitation to do man-stuff was long-term rather than a stop-gap measure.

White men looked a lot more impressive when our only competition was one another, when our swordfights were by God SWORDFIGHTS! Then Mary Tyler Moore and Rhoda  showed up on the scene and had the audacity to believe they deserved to compete. And we white guys were like, “Hey, who let y’all in here? You didn't even bring swords!"

As Ms. Venker puts it so well:
“Men want to love women, not compete with them. They want to provide for and protect their families – it’s in their DNA.”
Exactly! Anyone with different reproductive organs has absolutely no right to believe they should compete with us for, like, important things. And nothing is more important to the white man than the greenback.

So thank you, Ms. Venker, for having the guts no one else does, to lay blame where it’s long overdue, and to call out that most guilty and responsible of genders, the female. If it was up to me, you’d be allowed to marry as many men as you liked, because you’re doing pretty well for yourself, and more of us could ride on your coattails, coattails you stole so unfairly from us in the first place! Give us back our coattails!

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