Monday, February 24, 2014
We now use Mount Rushmore as an excuse to create a Best Four of anything. Want to piss off Bill Russell? Ask Lebron James about his Mount Rushmore of the NBA. Want to piss off your college athletic conference? Ask someone to name a decade-by-decade Mount Rushmore of Big10 hoops stars.
There's a Mount Rushmore of acting, a Mount Rushmore of Big 12 football players, a Mount Rushmore of NFL quarterbacks, and even a Mount Rushmore of high school basketball players. (You'd think I was making that last one up, but no, some idiot made one.)
And just in case you needed someone to tell you, not a one of these mean anything. They're just the random decisions of a person or small group of people eager to annoy others by inevitably leaving someone deserving off.
It's never about whom you include; it's about whom you neglect. Always has been, and always will be. Mount Rushmore, while beautiful, was really just an excuse to piss off Millard Fillmore (those Whigs were always a testy bunch).
So I want in on this. I want to piss people off just by compiling lists of four greats in a category. Below are some random Mount Rushmores of my own devising. They are genuine. They are compiled with sincerity and thought. And they are without question going to run into strong disagreement from someone. The only question is who is so offended that they are compelled to write a comment about it.
The Mount Rushmore of Superheroes:
Wolverine, Spider-Man, Batman, Superman
The Mount Rushmore of Poets:
Dante, Homer, e.e. cummings, William Butler Yeats
The Mount Rushmore of Professional Sports Teams:
Manchester United, Dallas Cowboys, New York Yankees, LA Lakers
The Mount Rushmore of Romantic Comedies:
When Harry Met Sally, Jerry Maguire, The Graduate, The Princess Bride
The Mount Rushmore of March 2014 Album Releases:
The Hold Steady, The Belle Brigade, Sleeper Agent, Nickel Creek
(I cheated on Nickel Creek; it's due April 1, but it'll be streaming sooner!)
The Mount Rushmore of Deadwood:
Seth Bullock, Calamity Jane, Doc, Al Swearingen
The Mount Rushmore of Dook Football Greats:
The Mount Rushmore of Arnold Schwarzenegger Movies:
Conan the Barbarian, Predator, The Terminator, True Lies
The Mount Rushmore of A Song of Fire and Ice:
Tyrion Lannister, Jon Snow, Davos Seaworth, Daenerys Targaryen
The Mount Rushmore of Rush Songs:
Tom Sawyer, The Spirit of Radio, Closer to the Heart, The Big Money
The Mount Rushmore of TV Comedies:
Seinfeld, I Love Lucy, The Simpsons, The Cosby Show
The Mount Rushmore of College Basketball Coaches:
Bobby Knight, Dean Smith, John Wooden... (and, under protest from my soul) Coach K
The Mount Rushmore of Beatles:
George Harrison, Paul McCartney, John Lennon, Stu Sutcliffe
The Mount Rushmore of '80s Hair Rock Bands:
The Mount Rushmore of Shakespeare Plays:
Hamlet, Macbeth, King Lear, Romeo and Juliet
The Mount Rushmore of Characters in Rushmore:
Max Fischer, Herman Blume, Rosemary Cross, Dr. Nelson Guggenheim
C'mon! Get in on the action! You don't need to know anything about anything! Just think of a category, eat a Twizzler, and type down four of the first five things in that category you think of! No one can question you, because none of it means jack squat!
* -- just kidding about the Hair Bands. The obvious answer is:
Bon Jovi, Def Leppard, KISS, Guns 'n' Roses