|The first Vegan meal--mashed avocado toast|
on wholegrain bread, carrots, tortilla chips, with
Apparently Jay-Z and Beyonce liked it.
Chalk it up that I'd do anything for my vegetarian wife who has eaten chicken fingers, breakfast sausage, chicken kabobs, pepperoni pizza, and bbq this weekend. Clearly, something has derailed. Meat--it's what vegetarians eat when they cheat! Right now, she's finishing my daughter's cheeseburger that I made for her "last meal."
That's right: tonight is that last meat meal for the bulk of November, and I will be eating my last hamburger and last cheese for some time.
So basically, for the next three weeks between Halloween and Thanksgiving, we are "going Vegan." It is a circumstance that I have mocked many, many times, but, then, I mocked Pumpkin Season and yet found myself quaffing a variety of pumpkin ales, so I guess my mockery has no legs.
Luckily, the stores are filled with "vegan" beers.
Luckily, I can cook. If you can't/won't cook, I don't see any way that Veganism is manageable, practical, or ethical. If the world has to cook your Vegan for you, you are already doing something wrong. See? I haven't even started yet and I've already gotten judgmental, exclusive and preachy. So don't tell the real Vegans that I ain't giving up honey, despite the obvious exploitation of the bees.
Here's a way to look at this that might be helpful: if you're thinking of inviting us to supper in the next three weeks, you'd better be serving mushroom and barely soup, though we would appreciate it if you would replace the barley with a more nutritious farro. If you're going to Bud's with me, expect me to order the chips and salsa and a house salad without the bacon bits and cheese. If I'm going to Big River with you, I'll eat the pretzel sticks but not the jalapeño cheese dip that comes with it. At Kumo, it might be teriyaki tofu or avocado rolls, miso soup.
If you have Oreos, which are oddly vegan, I might break into your office.
At the same time, feel free to take advantage of the situation. "Hey, Bob, all that cheese in your fridge? Would you mind if I took that off your hands before it goes bad? You got any steaks in the freezer you're not using? Bacon and eggs? Hand 'em over."
What Beyoncé doesn't tell us in "Drunk In Love" is that when you're living off kale chips, mini-peppers, and Tofurky, a gin and tonic can really take the edge off. Which may explain Jay-Z's pointless middle 8 rap in the song as well. Maybe the guy just wanted a slice of pizza.